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| from the illustrated manuscript of "Dastan-e Amir Hamza" |
It is easy to know the difference between
legend and reality. Here, I will show you how:
In the Dastan-e
Amir Hamza, we are told of an old Persian emperor named Qubad Kamran, who
ruled near modern Baghdad. This emperor was just and also wise and his people
flourished, but that is not the part that proves this is a legend. People do
flourish sometimes in the real world, after all, even while lacking a just and wise
emperor.
No, what I am trying to get to is this: One
morning, the emperor called together his viziers and he called together his
wise men and he called together his astrologers and he said, “Last night, I had a remarkable dream. This
was an important dream, I know it. But upon my waking this morning, it is gone.
Poof! I have forgotten it.”
He said, “Viziers,
wise men, astrologers, you must tell me of this dream that I have forgotten!
Remind me of the dream, interpret it, and then advise me on the proper path to
take.”
The viziers, wise men, and astrologers were
not particularly surprised at this, for the emperor was always pulling this
kind of stupid shit on them. They said, “O
great and powerful Emperor, in your boundless wisdom, please give us something
to go on. A fleeting image? A color? How the dream made you feel, perhaps?”
But the great Emperor Kamran was hearing none
of it. He said to them, “Sikander’s
advisers never needed hints! Tell me tell me tell me! Otherwise, I will put you
to the sword and pulverize your families!”
(I apologize to the reader if the just and
wise emperor now seems somewhat less just and wise than was initially described.
Indeed, these things are all relative.)
All the emperor’s viziers, wise men, and
astrologers – every one of them – stroked their beards, paced around a lot, and
mumbled in the way that these sorts do when stalling for time.
But alas, one vizier, a scoundrel and a liar
by the name of Alqash, approached the emperor and he said, “O great and powerful Emperor, I have divined your dream! Hurrah!”
The scoundrel Alqash said, “You were… a bird. Yes, that is it. Definitely
a bird. And you dropped something – a fruit! – into a river of fire. Threw it
away. And this means that you… are… Yes! You are throwing away everything in
your life that might have held you back in the past.”
Everyone was silent. None of the advisers
even blinked, for no man knows his own tell. While the emperor considered the
scoundrel Alqash’s words, each man thought to himself, “Not bad!” or else “Please
please please” or else something along those lines.
Finally, after what felt to the advisers like
two and a half eternities, the just and wise emperor spoke. He said, “You just made that up!”
And the scoundrel Alqash said, “No-o-o! O great and powerful Emperor!”
The emperor said, “No, I could tell! You made that up as you went along. You, sir, are a
terrible liar!”
The scoundrel Alqash went down on his knees
and said, “How would you even know, O
great and powerful Emperor? In your boundless wisdom, you do not even remember
your own dream!”
And so it was that the scoundrel Alqash met his
end. The just and wise Emperor Qubad Kamran quickly ordered his former vizier
dragged out into the public square, buried up to his waist, and shot by a
squadron of archers.
This is how we know we’re in the realm of
legend: In the real world, the scoundrel and liar Alqash would have gotten a
promotion and a pay raise.
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