26 March 2016

The surfeit

The secret to my employers’ success was the manipulation of time markets.

There. I’ve said it.

This sounds complicated. Like something you’d skip over were you reading about it in a book or on the internet. It is not complicated. It is so simple. Simple and obvious! I can’t understand why no one thought of it before.

My employers were far-sighted. No, not that. They could see up close, too, but we can say they were far-sighted. I will say it.

My employers saw what no one else saw. This march of twenty-four-hour-a-day, seven-day-a-week time? They saw it was dictated by the powers-that-be.

It was enforced by the powers-that-be.

It benefitted only the powers-that-be.

No one questioned it.

My employers questioned it. They created “alternative time markets”. Thirty-six or even heroic fifty-hour days would crash into minutes of only seven seconds or a month consisting exclusively of Tuesdays (which are the worst days, really).

They’d invest the surfeit.

There were bumps in the road. Of course there were. Early on, my employers faced opposition from the powers-that-be. They were incarcerated (briefly) for conducting three consecutive unauthorized Fridays. Their Nigerian daylight savings plan – involving a cluster of irregularly-scheduled “spring forwards” – led to civil unrest and a collapse of the local economy.


To be honest, the real problem was old people. Young people caught on. They’d even invest in an annual forty-month time share in Boca Raton or a four-month condo lease with seventeen years sunk down inside.

But old people? Old people could just never wrap their decaying brains around it. They fought my employers. Tooth and nail. If they still had teeth, anyway, they would.

Change was hard. It is always hard. My employers persevered. I can say with all honesty that I work – twenty-eight hours a day, thirteen days a week – for true visionaries.

I hope this post has given you new insight into who I am and what I do. 

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